


Unexpected Voyeurism

by Avellyn



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, M/M, Minor Violence, Riddler's POV, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 00:52:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avellyn/pseuds/Avellyn
Summary: “Oh Batsy baby, I missed this.” The Joker said as he attempted to stab Batman in the shoulder while being held down firmly by the neck. “It’s been so long. When was the last time we danced? At that charity for the disabled?”Riddler noticed Batman tightening his grip, letting out a terrifying growl that would intimidate any other criminal, including Eddie.





	Unexpected Voyeurism

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much [melody1987](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melody1987/pseuds/melody1987) for being my beta! Everyone go check her fics and art, she's amazing and I'm honoured to have a fic beta'd by her <3
> 
> This is my first time writing smut so I’m pretty nervous about posting it, I hope it’s not too bad of a read (it’s been in my folder for months now). The E stands for sex, violence is also in this but it’s not that graphic. Just the usual Batjokes amount (I think). This has a bottom!Joker and top!Batman for those of you who have strict preferences and want to know this kind of thing. Batman and Joker are also not using protection in this; it’s purely just based on my (and probably Joker’s lol) preference for smut for this ship. BUT!!! Always use protection in real life kids! Actually if you’re a kid you probably shouldn’t be here, I suggest you visit the Lego Batjokes tag for more wholesome content instead. Shoo! Off you go.  
> Everyone else, enjoy!

Edward Nygma’s plan was – for once - rather simple: get to the goods before some other criminal got their greedy hands on it - the goods in question being a highly rare hacking device that was being imported by LexCorp. Luthor always knew how to design the best toys. Toys that Eddie could then upgrade and turn into truly magnificent devices.

Unfortunately for Riddler, he did not take into account that a certain Clown Prince of Crime would catch up with him. Unlike other criminals, Joker didn’t operate under any kind of schedule that Eddie could predict.

Riddler was already reaching into the metal box for the item of interest when he heard a laugh that every resident of Gotham knew from miles away. He silently cursed.

What would that maniac even want with this device? It didn’t fit his crime style. Then again, Joker always found ways to surprise everyone with new turns in his career of crime. It’s what made him so unpredictable and good at creating chaos; as much as Eddie hated to admit it.

But the obnoxious laughter wasn’t the only noise coming from the entrance of the warehouse. It was followed by a loud growl of “ _Joker!_ ” that Riddler immediately recognised as belonging to the one and only self-proclaimed protector of Gotham.

Oh _crud._ As if the clown wasn’t enough of a headache.

Riddler grabbed the device and hid it in the inner pocket of his suit. He quickly but quietly closed the metal box before crouching and jumping into the shadows, behind the boxes.

There was a problem, however.

The only entrance and exit was the one where Batman and Joker were coming from.  Which meant that Riddler had no choice but to hide and hope that neither Bats nor the annoying maniac found him.

Which was a lot easier said than done.

The chance of him getting away unnoticed, with the device intact, was slim at best but Eddie was _determined_ to at least give it a try. Perhaps Batman would be too distracted by Joker’s usual schemes to even think of searching for him. Surely, the Bat would want to catch the clown and throw him back into Arkham as soon as possible, leaving Eddie to get away unnoticed. Perhaps Batman would see the empty box and assume the thief was long gone.

Riddler looked around as the voices of Gotham’s two arch nemeses crept closer. He was now on all fours, ruining the pants of his brand new green suit while trying to get to the other side of the room, away from the box he stole from moments ago.

Suddenly, there was a loud crack. It sounded suspiciously like someone broke down the door of the room. Eddie sneaked a peek through the slit of the boxes and saw Joker come crashing down to the floor where the door fell, with Batman on top of him.

Ouch.

Joker’s mouth was bleeding and Riddler was certain that the clown was missing a tooth. But the fucker was still grinning like he was having the time of his life. Which, knowing Joker, he probably _was._

“Oh Batsy baby, I missed this.” The Joker said as he attempted to stab Batman in the shoulder while being held down firmly by the neck. “It’s been so _long_. When was the last time we danced? At that charity for the disabled?”

Riddler noticed Batman tightening his grip, letting out a terrifying growl that would intimidate any other criminal, including Eddie.

But it didn’t make Joker stop. Not even a little bit.

“You should thank me, Bats! Those wheelchair kids have _so_ many new friends now!”

It was as if the pale fool had zero sense of self-preservation. Poking at an already raging beast was a moronic move when you were in such a fragile position. It wasn’t as if Riddler didn’t _understand_ the thrill of angering Batman, but he always did it from a safe distance where _he_ was in full control of the situation.

As predicted, Batman punched him with such force that Riddler couldn’t help but flinch at the mere sight of it. He’d experienced some of Batman’s nastier punches before but it was never on the level that Joker did.

The maniac’s moan didn’t sound like it was just from the pain, however.

Is the sick bastard actually _enjoying_ this? Riddler shuddered.

Joker giggled and brought the knife up to his face where Batman just hit him. He touched the dark bruise on his otherwise pale cheek with the back of the knife. “Oh how I missed your kisses, darling.”

“Shut. _Up._ ” Batman’s response came through his clenched teeth.

What Joker said next was too quiet for Eddie to understand but it must’ve pissed off the Bat even more because he threw the clown across the room, making him crash into the metal boxes on the other side of where Eddie was currently hiding.

If they ended up fighting near his location next, Riddler was done for.

He couldn’t have a clear view from this angle anymore but the fighting sounds indicated that they were still throwing painful punches at each other.

“Admit it Bats, you missed this just as much as I did.” Riddler heard Joker say between uncontrollable giggles. “You’ve been on that space mission for two months! Fighting aliens just isn’t the same as fighting _moi_.”

Joker apparently escaped Batman’s grip because he ran to the centre of the room where a long dirty table with mechanical equipment stood. Now Riddler had a full view on him.

The clown was a complete mess. His purple suit was bloody and ripped in several places; though how much of that was Joker’s own blood was questionable. The make-up was smeared, bright red lipstick mixing with the blood that was still oozing from his mouth, most likely from that missing tooth.

The odd thing was, Joker looked genuinely _happy_. More happy than Riddler had seen him in a long time. Often the maniac’s laughter and joy was played up to scare his victims. Joker looked a lot more deranged on those occasions.

At this moment, he looked almost… _sane_.

As sane as clown with a tendency for mass murder can get anyway.

Said clown grabbed a ranch from the table and threw it at Batman’s face with full force. The way Joker looked at that moment seemed similar to a lover throwing a snowball at his partner on a romantic date. Except the snowball was a heavy object that could seriously injure the other party.

Batman dodged the flying object with little effort. His white eyes narrowed, fists clenching.

Joker tried to reach for the drill next but the vigilante’s batarang kicked it out of his reach. Eddie did always secretly admire how fast Batman’s mind and reflexes worked. It was the reason why Eddie loved preparing deathly traps full of riddles for Gotham’s protector; watching the Bat try to solve them was incredibly entertaining. Which one would be fatal?

“Party pooper,” Joker accused with no real bite to it before Batman once again got his hands on him and slammed him on the table, causing half of the equipment to end up on the floor. Joker let out a squeak of absolute joy.

The clown spread his legs invitingly before wrapping them tightly around Batman’s hips. In that exact moment, Eddie felt the mood in the room change drastically.

Batman went completely still, staring down at the mess of a man that was lying on the table. Joker was biting his bloody lip, looking up at the Bat with a look full of adoration and… _love_.

What _the hell_ was going on here?

Riddler watched in confusion as Joker reached for Batman’s gloved hands that were still placed on his neck, bringing them up to his lips. He gave each palm a kiss, closing his eyes and sighing in contentment after the kisses were placed.

Joker being in love with Batman was a common rumour within criminal circles. Some believed it to be a fact; Joker himself was always vocal about it. In fact, Joker hardly ever shut up about Batman trivia at their meetings – which he came uninvited to - and it drove Pamela and Oswald insane.

The criminals even placed bets on the supposed love and the current number was hovering somewhere around 1300 dollars and a pair of disassembled legs. The latter were courtesy of Killer Croc who refused to back up his beliefs with cash and nobody was ever in the mood to fight about it because they didn’t want to be the next to end up as his currency.

You never knew with Joker, however. He could just be lying for whatever stupid reason and Riddler wasn’t interested enough in the clown’s love life to find out. If the man was even capable of such a thing.

But Joker’s supposed love for Batman was a lot easier to believe than what was currently happening with Batman’s reaction to the clown’s action.

The Bat was still staring down in silence, not moving or rejecting the gesture at all. It was as if he’d turned to stone.

Then again, Riddler couldn’t really blame the guy. He’d probably be in shock as well if Joker did something like that to him.

When Joker reached for Batman’s cheek next, Gotham’s protector finally snapped out of it, grabbing the pale hand before it could arrive at its destination. “ _Don’t._ ”

This was the first time that night that Eddie saw Joker scowl. “Why _not_? You were a-okay with it two months ago.”

Riddler never saw Batman look like he was cornered before. “That was a mistake.”

“Like _hell_ it was!” the tone of Joker’s voice was becoming dangerous. A tone Riddler was much more familiar with. “You can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.”

Batman looked away and for a split second Riddler thought it was his way, his hiding spot already discovered.

Eddie’s heart sped up. Should he make a run for it?

It turned out Batman wasn’t looking at his direction at all. It seemed as if the Bat was lost in thought, an expression of guilt written all over his face.

“Hey!” Joker pulled Batman by the cape until their faces were mere centimetres away. “Don’t tell me you had a change of heart while travelling through space with that Boy Scout of yours. Are you screwing the big blue guy now or what?”

What was the point of this conversation? More importantly, why exactly was Batman entertaining Joker’s delusions for so long? Riddler wasn’t often confused, a man of his intellect had no reason to be, but this was a rare occasion where Edward Nygma had no idea how to process the scene he was forced to endure.

“I didn’t sleep with Superman,“ Batman replied in a deadpan tone. “Or anyone else.”

Joker seemed satisfied with that answer. “Good. I’d hate to declaw a kitty when we’ve only just started getting along. And asking Lexie for Kryptonite is a long process which usually ends in a long boring lecture and me getting kicked out.”

“This still isn’t happening.” Batman informed the clown.

Wait a second.

Did Batman and Joker _actually_ …?

“You had no problems fucking me last time!”

Eddie felt like he was going to be sick but at the same time he was incredibly intrigued. This could make for some very effective blackmail.

If he ever managed to escape this place before either Batman or Joker got their hands on him that is.

Riddler imagined he’d be in a lot more trouble if he was discovered now than if he was discovered as soon as the two entered the room. With information this sensitive…who knew what they’d do to him.

Joker was not done. “I didn’t cause any trouble for you while you were away, did you even notice that? Your precious city is still intact even though it would’ve been _oh so easy_ to play with.”

Batman remained silent. Joker pouted and let go of his cape, lying back on the table. The legs wrapped around Batman’s hips were still in the same position. In fact, the heels of Joker’s shoes seemed to be digging in even harder.

“I thought about you a lot, you know.” Joker said and, if Riddler wasn’t imagining it, did a slight thrust against Batman. “I missed our dance, your strong arms,” Joker looked directly into Batman’s eyes for the next line delivery. “Your cock inside me.”

Riddler could’ve sworn he saw Batman twitch.

“I could’ve slept with anyone I wanted while you were away,” Joker continued, a sly grin resting on his lips now. “But I didn’t, being the lovesick fool that I am. But since you’re being such a prude now and saving yourself for marriage I guess I should give Lexie another call.”

That information had a very interesting effect on Batman. The Bat slapped his hands down on each side of Joker’s head and growled. “You slept with _Luthor_?!”

Joker inspected his black nails, not looking Batman in the eye. “I did. Why do you care? It was years before you ever wanted to touch me in any fun naughty ways. And according to your own words last time was a one-time thing, so why are you so upset if I start sleeping with other men again?”

Batman looked a lot more pissed off now than he did when they entered the room. But there was also hurt among that anger, Riddler noticed. And frustration.

Lots of frustration.

Joker stopped admiring his nails and looked up at the angry man. “What? You think no one but you is willing to touch me?” He slid a finger across the symbol on Batman’s chest teasingly. “You think I was going to wait for you like a loyal dog while you’re screwing around with _Catwoman_.” Catwoman’s name was spat out as if it were venom and Joker removed his hand. “Oh darling, you’re sorely mistaken. _I_ have options _too_.”

“You’re lying,” Batman accused but he didn’t sound very sure of himself. This was the first time Riddler witnessed the big powerful Bat so unsure and visually upset. “You’re lying because you think it will hurt me.”

“I assure you that I’m not. _Lying_ that is.” Joker looked very satisfied with himself. “Feel free to call our buddy Lex right now if you want to. Hell, he probably still has security footage that captured my last steamy visit if you’re interested in watching _that_! I gotta say, his cock felt almost as good as yours when he tried.”

Joker barely managed to finish the sentence before Batman seized him by his coat and brought his pointy nose dangerously close to his own. They stared at each other in deadly silence for a good minute, Joker grinning at the glaring Bat the entire time. Yep, the clown was definitely missing a tooth.

What happened next was something Riddler never thought he’d witness in his lifetime.

 _Batman_ pulled the Clown into a kiss so vicious that Eddie naively assumed it was some kind of fighting technique at first. Riddler blinked a few times to make sure the dim light of the room wasn’t playing tricks on him.

This _can’t_ be real.

There is _no_ way this is actually happening. An alien shapeshifter must’ve replaced Gotham’s protector while he was away on that mission Joker had mentioned. This was surely an impostor. The real Batman would never do something like this out of his own free will. The real Batman hated Joker! Absolutely _despised_ him. Right?

… _right?!_

The more the two men continued to violently make out the more Riddler started to doubt the world around him was real. If this was some kind of nightmare it was a long one and Eddie was ready to wake up any moment now.

Joker whined loudly, fumbling with Batman’s cape. “I want to lie on it when you take me.”

_Any moment now!_

Batman groaned and released one of his hands that were holding Joker’s backside in favour of helping him unclip it.

Oh no.

No. No. _No._

Eddie did not want to see this one bit. To hell with blackmail, it wasn’t worth sitting through this.

He desperately tried to find a way to sneak past them before they started doing anything that Riddler didn’t need ingrained in his brain forever. Being a genius with a photographic memory could also be a curse.

What freaked him out even more was his own body betraying him, a growing erection confirming that he might not hate this as much as he wanted to convince himself he did.

Eddie looked down at the dusty floor and tried to tune out the noises coming from the centre of the room.

His efforts were unsuccessful. In fact, not having a clear visual on what the two men were doing was making it worse because the obscene noises were causing Riddler’s imagination to run wid. He sneaked another glance at the intimate scene.

“Does the thought of other men having me rile you up, Batsy?” Joker teased and moaned as Batman bit his neck in response. The Bat looked like he was about to devour the clown and Riddler wished his mind would stop placing himself in the clown’s place. _Bad brain!_ “Don’t worry that pointy head of yours; my heart always belonged to only you and you alone.”

That last sentence earned the clown a deep and a tad less violent kiss before Batman decided to rip Joker’s – admittedly already in a less than presentable state – vest apart, revealing the milky skin underneath. One of the yellow buttons flew at Riddler’s direction, ending next to his left hand. Eddie gulped and immediately moved a tiny bit deeper into the shadows behind the boxes. Thankfully, both men seemed too distracted with each other to notice any shuffling he might’ve caused with the action.

“That cost a fortune, you know,” Joker said but seemed perfectly happy when he threw the ruined piece of clothing away. “You’ll need to make it up to me.”

“Like you ever actually paid for anything,” Riddler heard Batman grumble before he pulled down Joker’s pants with just as much force. The Bat stopped and stared.

The Riddler soon noticed why.

Joker was not wearing any underwear.

Riddler felt his face redden as if he were a teen who just discovered his dad’s dirty magazines. He never thought that the carpet would match the drapes but that piece of unnecessary information was now forever burned into his memory. He quickly turned his head away.

“You don’t have underwear,” Batman stated the obvious and if Riddler wasn’t so embarrassed for seeing his criminal colleague’s erection and wasn’t currently trying to remain unnoticed he’d laugh at the Bat’s reaction. Joker seemed to find it equally humorous and did just that.

“Why bother? You’d just destroy that too.” Joker said, still giggling evilly. “This is faster, I know you’re a busy man. Look how considerate I am, thinking of your schedule! And you’re always so focused on only seeing the bad side of me.” More laughter followed before it was abruptly shut down by what Eddie assumed - by the sounds of it - was Batman’s lips.

Riddler wanted to smash his head against the mental box in frustration. Somehow, his body managed to be aroused _and_ disturbed at the same time.

It was not as if Eddie was in denial about his own sexuality; he and Penguin had been seeing each other for a while now and finding a man like Batman attractive was not at all unexpected. Many people did and with a good reason. The Bat was strong, gorgeously built and that deep voice of his was just as hot as it was menacing.

No, the disturbing part was that out of all men or women that Riddler could’ve caught Batman having sex with it ended up being _Joker_. It was incredibly hard for Eddie to imagine the maniac in a sexual way, especially considering that he saw Joker in many unflattering scenarios on days they were both stuck in Arkham Asylum. Riddler saw the pale man bite off more guard ears than he saw him eat meals.

“Wait, Bats – _hngh_ – Batman!”

What was going on now? Riddler’s natural curiosity mixed with arousal got the better of him. He peeked through the opening once more.

Joker was pushing at Batman’s chest, breaking the passionate kiss they just shared. “Hold your horses, Batsy baby. Before we go _there_ , I believe I have the right to at least get a taste of the goods.” Joker’s hand sneaked down to grab Batman’s crotch. Riddler bit his lip.

Surprisingly, Batman didn’t object. He let Joker get up and turn them around so Batman was leaning against the table. Now that Joker was completely undressed he looked a lot smaller against the Bat’s full-costumed figure. Joker’s body was covered in scars and purple bruises and, when he leaned back into Batman to give him another kiss, his white skin looked even paler in contrast with Batman’s dark outfit. They looked like yin and yang.

Joker pulled away, leaving behind lipstick stains on Batman’s lips, and dropped to his knees. He slid his hands up the other man’s strong thighs. Joker looked like he was thoroughly inspecting the lower area. “Where’s the thingy?”

Batman _smirked._

Even though the smirk was barely there, Riddler still thought it made the Bat look incredibly attractive. He was starting to understand why Joker was so obsessed with him.

Joker looked up. “ _What_. It was dark last time, I don’t know how you opened it. Not all of us have night vision.”

He palmed the bulge and batted his eyelashes at the Bat. “Help would be appreciated.”

Batman took off his gloves before swatting Joker’s hands away to remove his codpiece. Riddler didn’t quite catch what the Bat did next but apparently it was successful because Joker’s face lit up. Batman removed his hands, revealing a half-hard cock.

Riddler felt his own grow.

Joker, who was already fully erect, was looking at Batman’s privates as if he was going to start salivating any moment now. Eddie really couldn’t judge because he was having a similar reaction.

The clown leaned in but was denied by Batman’s palm in his hair.

“If you bite me, this is all over. Forever. Understood?” The Bat’s voice was low and dangerous.

Joker’s response was to flash him his biggest toothy grin. “Don’t go putting ideas into my head.”

Eddie shuddered.

Batman yanked at the green hair, forcing the clown to look at him again. “ _Are we clear_?” he growled.

Joker moaned in pleasure. “Yes sir.”

Joker really did enjoy being manhandled by the Bat, didn’t he? Riddler was starting to think that was the sole reason the clown was wreaking chaos upon Gotham so often.

Batman let go of his hair, finally allowing Joker to proceed. The pale man took the Bat’s erection in his hands with surprising gentleness, as if it were sacred. To Joker, it probably was. The clown stared at it for a few more moments before giving the head a teasing lick.

Riddler’s pants were becoming very uncomfortable. He unbuttoned them to release some of the tightness.

Watching Joker pleasure Batman was like watching a porno that was actually enjoyable to watch, mainly because both parties were clearly enjoying it _themselves_. Batman certainly couldn’t be faking this.

Even though Riddler never thought of Joker as very attractive, he couldn’t help but feel turned on by Joker’s submissiveness and willingness to have his face fucked by a gorgeous big cock. The clown’s body language and expression showed clear signs of pure bliss and arousal. When the Joker’s mouth wasn’t stretched into a horrifying murderous grin he actually looked kind of…decent-looking.

Batman gripped the table with his left hand, his right slipping into the green locks of the maniac. He let out a deep groan that made Riddler risk palming his own erection. Eddie observed with great concentration, as Batman’s grip got harder, now in full control of the pace. Joker’s sounds were muffled, his own erection leaking with pre-come and he let Batman fuck his face as he pleased. The Bat did a few more hard thrusts before pulling out. “Enough.”

Joker licked his lips, looking like an even bigger mess than before. He let out a raspy giggle. “Afraid you’ll prematurely ejaculate?”

The Bat ignored him. “Up,” he commanded.

“Mmm I love it when you’re all bossy,” the clown said, voice still sounding weaker from having his throat invaded. He stood up as instructed and Batman immediately grabbed him, forcing the clown to bend over, face landing on the cape-covered table with a thud.

“Heh, you’d be the first guy to notice when someone in Arkham drops the soap.” Joker’s commentary went ignored.

The Bat reached into the pouch of his utility belt and pulled out a small bottle which Eddie assumed to be lube. What else was in that seemingly infinite belt of his? Gotham’s protector always seemed to have everything he needed for every situation. Even one involving non-crime fighting activities, apparently.

Batman put the bottle on the table before grabbing both of Joker’s arse cheeks and spreading them. He stopped. Riddler who was now touching himself without any restraint wanted to groan in annoyance. Why stop now? He can’t possibly have a change of heart at this stage.

Eddie almost risked moving closer to see what was going on when Batman spoke.

“Have you been wearing the plug this entire time?” _What._

_How the hell did Joker managed to fight Batman while having a plug up his ass this entire time?!_

Joker moved his head to look at the Bat, flashing another one of his grins.

“Maaaybe.”

“You planned this.”

“Wow, astonishing detective work.”

Batman still didn’t move. Joker wiggled his bottom eagerly. “What’s the hold up? I put it in so you didn’t need to spend a long time preparing me. I’m ready to go, cowboy.”

Batman grabbed the buttplug and pulled it out very slowly.

“Today would be great!” Joker hissed, clearly inpatient by the change in pace. The plug was almost entirely outside before Batman slammed it back in again with unexpected force. Joker moaned but looked frustrated. “Stop stalling.”

Batman stroked the clown’s cock instead, a faint hint of a smile on his face. It was bizarre seeing Batman being the one to annoy Joker on purpose.

“ _Bastard,_ ” Riddler heard Joker hiss. The clown tried to turn around and grab Batman’s hand but got his face slammed back into the table, Batman grabbing both of his hands and pulling them behind his back. It looked like a very uncomfortable position yet strangely arousing.

“Behave,” was the Bat’s only reply.

“Bats if you don’t fuck me right now I swear I’ll tie you up and ride you myself.” Even though Joker looked to be in no position to make threats, Riddler believed him.

The Bat handcuffed the clown in response. Joker laughed, his whole body shaking. “You really think I can’t get out of these?”

“I’m sure you can.” Batman said as he grabbed the buttplug again and pulled it out just as slowly as the first time. “But not fast enough.”

The Bat replaced the plug with his - now lube covered - fingers. Joker moaned, arching his back.

“You – _heh_ – you beat the shit out of me on daily basis,” the clown managed to slip out between giggles and moans. “Yet you refuse to be violent when it comes to this part. C’mon baby, rip me apart! I want it.”

Eddie saw the hand that was holding Joker’s left butt cheek twitch. It looked like Batman was contemplating Joker’s offer but ended up ignoring it. Shame, Riddler was curious to see how a truly brutal fuck looked between them. Probably like rabid beasts going at it.

Then Joker decided to be his usual asshole self again. “Sexy Lexie did it better. I guess you heroes really are too vanilla for this kind of stuff.” It was obvious to Riddler what game Joker was playing.

Batman glared but didn’t fall for the bait, fingers still stretching the clown’s opening.

Joker continued. “Are you a bat or a chicken? I guess I have to get myself a baddie next time who isn’t such a wuss.”

“ _Joker…_ ”

“At this rate I won’t even feel you when you actually put it in. Now with Lex –“ Joker’s sentence was cut by a loud gasp. Riddler’s eyes widened, own cock twitching at the sight.

Batman hands were clenching the clown’s bony hips, cock balls deep in the other man’s ass. “Shut up.” Batman finished his sentence through clenched teeth.

Joker’s whole body was twitching, face buried in the Bat’s cape on the table. Riddler wasn’t sure if the twitching was caused by pleasure, excitement or pain.

“ _Finally_ ,” Eddie heard Joker whisper in bliss. Pleasure it was.

 Suddenly wild giggling ensured.

“What’s so funny now?” Batman asked, voice low. He looked like he was barely holding himself back from pounding Joker into oblivion.

“This position, silly Bat. Look at me! I’m like a turkey, all tied and filled up. Ready to be served.” Joker’s statement was followed by mocking turkey noises.

If Batman’s hands weren’t currently resting on Joker’s hips Eddie was sure he’d use at least one of them to facepalm.

“You’re insufferable,” Batman told Joker, though Riddler detected more amusement than annoyance in his tone.

Joker laughed, moving his head in an awkward angle to glance at the man behind him. He licked his lips, the lipstick on the lower part of his lip fading. “Teach me a lesson then.”

And Batman did.

Eddie really wished he had lube in his pocket the way Batman seemed to carry it. Touching himself dry was a frustrating feeling and he had to be careful not to go too hard or fast while watching the scene, which wasn’t an easy task. Especially when the rhythm of the couple he was observing was so furious.

It was the filthiest place Eddie had ever masturbated in. He normally greatly valued hygiene and privacy and so did his partners. But then again, Riddler never thought he’d be placed in a situation where he’d be masturbating to _Joker and Batman having sex in front of him._ The arousal mixed with shame at what he was doing and the fear of getting caught spying was a feeling he’d never experienced before. It was intoxicating.

Somewhere along the way Joker managed to get out of the handcuffs and was now holding the shaking table for dear life. His wrists were bruised from being so tightly handcuffed. Riddler had no idea when the clown managed to slip out of them because he was too focused on watching Batman’s lower region movements.

The Bat pulled at Joker’s hair, sinking his teeth into the long pale neck that was already covered in bruises. It looked like a vampire claiming his victim and it seemed to drive the clown wild because he called out Batman’s name without any kind of joking edge to it.

Then Batman pulled out, turning a surprised Joker - who looked like he was about to start complaining about the interruption - around and pushing him back on the table so Joker was lying on his back. The Bat grabbed Joker’s long legs and threw them over his hips, sinking back into the clown.

“Oh Bats,” Joker managed to get out between thrusts and gasps. “Changing positions so you can look at my – ah! – lovely face?”

“Shut up,” Batman grunted, not stopping his thrusts. Their faces were millimetres apart and Riddler was positive that if he left the room now they wouldn’t even notice him, gazing intensely into each other’s eyes as they were.

Joker was correct though. Eddie could see that Batman seemed even more into it now that he was looking directly at the clown’s face. The fact that Batman actually _wanted_ to look at Joker’s face in this way was still a bizarre to Riddler. It’d take some time to get used to this new fact.

“Never took you for such a romantic.” Joker continued, ignoring the Bat’s demand. “I guess this position is more what people call making love, huh? And here I was, only expecting angry fucking in dirty alleys from you.”

Batman kissed him, which Riddler suspected was partly to shut him up but it clearly didn’t help stop the “hopeless romantic” image that Joker was pushing.

They kissed for a while, their kisses getting more and more aggressive with faster thrusts. Batman’s hand sneaked down between them to touch Joker, moving in sync with their hips.

Batman broke the kiss. “Joker, I have to -“

“Don’t you _dare_ pull out!” Joker moaned yet managed to sound threatening at the same time. “Not like last time. I want it, Bats. I want to feel you.”

“But you’ll - “

Batman’s protest was met with Joker clinging onto him tightly. “Bats, _please!_ ” The plea sounded almost desperate instead of demanding and Riddler never thought he’d hear a tone like that leave the clown’s mouth.

The Bat was breathing heavily, looking down at the clown beneath him with intensity that could be felt even through the lenses protecting his eyes. The hero’s thrusts sped up, grabbing both of Joker’s wrists before slamming them down on each side of Joker’s head. The clown’s eyes closed as he bit his lower lip, body shaking with each thrust.

Riddler had to muffle his own heavy breathing, feeling closer to release. He took a napkin he always kept in his pocket, preparing for the mess. Eddie had no intention of leaving behind bodily fluids as evidence nor ruining his suit.

He heard Joker scream Batman’s name as he came. Eddie didn’t look up, too occupied with his own orgasm and ensuring it didn’t make a mess in his lap.

Riddler bit the inside of his mouth as he came into the napkin. He glanced up and saw Batman still thrusting into Joker’s spent body who now looked a bit like a ragdoll, all of his muscles relaxed from the orgasm. It didn’t take long before Batman gave out a grunt, burying his face into Joker’s shoulder.

“That’s it, baby,” Riddler heard Joker say as Batman rode off his orgasm. “Fill me up good.”

God, how would Eddie _ever_ be able to look Joker in the eye again during the villain meetings?

Batman finally pulled out, standing up tall. Joker, however, made no attempt to move from his position on the table. The clown reached down at his hole lazily, wiping some of the come that was dripping from it and brought his fingers up to his half-lidded eyes to inspect it.

He licked it.

“Joker!”

Joker laughed at Batman’s response.

“Nothing I haven’t tasted before, darling,” Joker said, hoisting himself up on his elbows. “Don’t be such a tight ass about it. That’s my job when we’re like this.” Joker slapped his left butt cheek and winked at the Bat who was now putting his cock away.

“Not when it was there.”

“I see I’ll need to introduce you to rimming,” Joker said, finally sitting up and looking at the floor. “You ruined my outfit.”

“Your outfit was already ruined.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Joker teased.

Batman returned to his usual state of staring blankly at him. “Yours. You’re the one committing crimes, I have no choice but to stop you.”

“Touché. So, what now? Are you going to throw me back in Arkham in this state or will you at least give me time to tidy up first? I’m not sure how to explain this look to the guards.”

Batman paused for a moment, thinking.

“I give you an hour,” the Bat decided. “After that I’m bringing you in immediately.”

“If you find me.” Joker pointed out with a grin.

“I will.”

“I’m keeping the cape.” Joker gave the black fabric underneath him a pat. “Unless you want me to run across Gotham naked and covered in your batsperm.” Batman gave a grunt of agreement before turning around.

The Bat was halfway across the room when Joker spoke again. “Bats?”

Batman turned his head in question.

“Don’t hide from me for this long again. I know the space mission only lasted one month. That means you spent the second brooding alone somewhere”  Joker said, surprisingly without any aggression in his voice.

“Who told you that?” Batman’s voice was as stern as ever.

“Lex. Superman was back way earlier and there is no way that guy would leave you in space by yourself.”

Batman turned back around, not saying anything in response. He stood there for a minute before slowly continuing his walk.

“Glad we had this productive talk!” Joker yelled after him and waved goodbye.

The door slammed shut.

Riddler was now painfully aware of the sudden silence in the room.

“Enjoy the show?” Joker asked loudly. Eddie swore he felt his heart stop.

Riddler was frozen at the spot, hoping the clown wasn’t actually addressing him. He _couldn’t_ be. He’d mention it way earlier if he knew.

_Right?_

Joker stood up slowly and reached for the purple pants that Batman got rid of earlier. He didn’t put them on but simply threw them on the table next to the cape. He then looked directly into the direction of Riddler’s hiding spot with one of his famous evil grins. “I know you’re there you oversized leprechaun. No need to keep on hiding in your hole like a cowardly rat.” 

Oh no.

“When did you figure out I was here?” Eddie finally confirmed his presence. He hoped he didn’t sound too nervous, showing weakness would do him no good.

“Since before you even got here.” Joker answered cheerily and went back to sit on the table. He spread his long legs, leaving nothing to the imagination. “Why did you think I led the Bat to follow me here? I knew your nerdy ass was after Lexie’s latest toy.”

Riddler blinked, standing up. “But _why_?”

“Not everything is some kind of complicated riddle, Nygma.” Joker yawned, finally wrapping Batman’s cape around himself. “Sometimes I like to spice things up for myself. I thought having an audience would make it even more exciting, I’m a performer after all.” Joker looked at him, eyes travelling down Eddie’s waist. “I also think the idea of making you uncomfortable and unable to leave is hilarious but I’m guessing from your state you were _very_ comfortable.”

Eddie blushed like a fire truck and quickly pulled up the zipper he left open. _Curses._ Joker would never let him live this down.

Joker laughed at him but moments after his expression turned unusually serious. He jumped off the table and walked up to Riddler like a lion approaching his prey. How the man was still able to move after having his ass fucked so hard was a mystery to Eddie. Then again, the clown managed to somehow get from point A to point B with a lot of broken ribs before so this must’ve been a walk in the park for him.

“As you know, my darling is a very private guy,” Joker said, stepping all the way into Eddie’s personal space. He smelled of sex and, this close, Eddie could see the sweat glistening on his pale face. Riddler gulped.

“I’m aware,” He answered as calmly as possible, taking a step back. Joker currently didn’t have any weapons on him but Eddie knew what the clown was capable of using only his bare hands and mouth…and not in the erotic way.

“Then you know to keep that big mouth of yours shut. Me and Bats are taking it slow, he has commitment issues, you see. I don’t want him to call this off just because some moron decided to spill the beans without our permission.”

“Even if I did – _which I won’t_ – nobody would believe me,” Riddler pointed out, not loving the way Joker’s eyes glanced in the direction of his knife.

“I know, but _Batman_ would know that _you_ know and that’s enough for him to bail on me.” Joker grabbed Eddie’s shoulder, squeezing it hard. His smile widened, eyes getting that crazy _I’m going to blow something up_ look. “So can I trust you to be a good boy or do I need to cut out your tongue first? A lot of people would thank me for that. No more annoying riddles!”

Riddler’s response was quick; he didn’t doubt Joker for a second. “I won’t tell a soul, I swear.”

“Good.” Joker’s grip loosened and he patted Eddie’s shoulder instead. “Because if you do, I will torture you and then kill you in the most gruesome way. And after that I’ll feed Penguin your remains.”

Crazy fucker.

“I know. _I get it_ , Joker,” Riddler said, now feeling annoyance next to the fear. _Stop having sex in front of people if you want to keep your damn secret!_

“Good.” Joker nodded, looking satisfied. “Oh! And I’ll need that device you stole. Lex told me you’d try to take it and I owe him one.”

So _that’s_ how the clown knew. Stupid Luthor.

Eddie grumbled, feeling like a kid who just got caught stealing candy. He took the device and dropped it into Joker’s waiting hand without a word. Any other day Riddler would not be so obedient, but he didn’t feel like testing his luck today. Not when Joker just threatened his life for real.

He never hated Joker as much as he hated him then. He couldn’t believe that for a moment back there he was actually attracted to him. That moment was long gone together with Batman.

“Well then! That’s that. Nice chatting with you, Question Mark Man!” Joker gave him a salute. “Now get lost. I have to put on pants and you’ve been ogling me long enough! I’m _taken_ and you saw how my sweetheart reacts when other men try to get with me.”

_This annoying narcissistic son-of-a –_

“I’m going,” Riddler replied through gritted teeth. He’d had enough humiliation for one day.

“Toodles!” Joker blew him a mocking kiss as Eddie finally managed to leave.

_Today was one hell of a weird day._

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon that all male villains have at least a slight crush on Batman and Riddler is no exception :P  
> Hope you enjoyed the read! I put a few little references from Batman media in this, I wonder if anyone noticed them? :D


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